men and gas....never a shortage there

My husband and I have been married for 20 years, I have been able to get used to a lot. BUT the one thing that I can't get used to is his nightly wind. His are so bad that they wake me out of a sound sleep and I even take Ambien! One night he was wailing away on my senses and I became wide awake. We have a small bedroom and sleep in a queen size bed.

The room air had become quite stagnant and he happened to fill every little crevice with his personal methane. I tried to put my head under the covers but HELLO that is where it is coming from. So then I shoved the covers down enough in hopes of sealing it till it dissipated. It didn't work. He was sound asleep snoring and dreaming the dreams of the beautiful people.

Well, now I am angry and I shove and kick him but all that does is release another *poosh* into the air. I decide that if I breathe through my mouth, then maybe I can go back to sleep. Yuck! Now I can taste it and my eyes are watering from the assault. I kick him again and he doesn't budge. I am thinking, "It is just like you to sleep through this."

There is no way I could just lie there, and it wouldn't leave no matter how much my body flailed around. So I got up and I was seething, I begin to wonder what I could shove in his posterior. I saw the can of OUST and the thought hit me, let's see if this stuff really works as well as they say. I now had an idea of how I was going to defend myself of his continual onslaught of smells. I grabbed the Oust, and a scented candle. I held my breath and ran into the room fighting for my life. I lit the scented candle and I sprayed his butt with the Oust. The blanket of stench lifted and I swore I could hear birds singing or at least angels singing and the sun shining through the clouds.

I laid my new friend on the table by my side of the bed, smiled and dozed off to sleep. I was brought out of my sleep but this time not because of my husband but because my hand had fallen into the burning candle.

The next day when I got up, he was sitting in the front room cheery and well rested. I looked at him and growled, then he asks, "Didn't you sleep well?" All day long I was so mad. He went to work and when he got home I was still mad. I snapped, "I'm going to bed! Don't you dare fart once tonight."

Well since that night, I keep a can of air freshener by my side of the bed and at the first sniff of trouble, I pull it out and blast him. He will wake up and look at me and then shake his head and go back to sleep. I have claimed a small victory.

I am convinced that a woman who has had dealings with men in the past, developed OUST. Thank you who ever you are, there will be one less homicide in the world because of you.